The Top 10 Personality Traits of Men Who Should Be Dumped
Why You Might Want to Dump Your Man
Deciding whether or not to dump your boyfriend is never an easy decision. However, there are some time-tested and proven behavioral and personality traits of men that should prompt any woman who is truly searching for a real relationship to cash out, cut her losses, and move on to greener (or at least more sustainable) pastures. If your sweetie is one of the types listed below, maybe it is time for some self-reflection.
After all, you only live once…why live it less than the best?
1. Meet the Commitment-A-Phobe
How to recognize good intentions gone bad
We’ve all dated this one. He’s the guy we’ve had a relatively good relationship with for several years, but he always has a reason why he’s not quite ready or why the relationship should stay as it is. You have weathered the ups and downs with each other, and you may even live together. Careers have been established. But…he doesn’t want to get married. Why?
His answer: “I want to be with you, but I’m not quite ready for marriage. Of course I want us to be together.”
Translation: “You are good for now, but only until the next best thing walks in…and by the way, babe, can you grab me a drink on your way back from the kitchen?”
Result: This relationship is going nowhere. You are wasting your viable eggs, ladies. This trait is a reason to break up. He most likely will not change. If you are worried that you will dump your boyfriend and will never get what you want, don’t be. If he is truly the one and he truly loves you, and if you leave him, he may realize what he lost. Then he may turn into Mr. Right.
* He always has an excuse that seems like a logical one, but it just doesn’t feel right.
* He always talks the game of “the future,” but that future never arrives.
* He always has a reason why the relationship needs more time.
* He says things like “Things are great the way they are.”
* He doesn’t want the relationship to change because he fears that things will be ruined.
* He says things like “My career isn’t established yet and I want to be able to provide for you.”
* He continuously tries to make you jealous of other women. This is in part because he wants to keep you on the line, and in part because he is delusional and likes to fool himself into thinking that there is someone better out there who wants him.
* He gives YOU deadlines and makes it seem like a commitment is a reward for you. (Example: “I’ll propose to you when you receive your college degree, get your promotion, etc.”) Since when did this alleged “great catch” become worthy enough to declare himself a reward? While he pretends that this is motivating, he really is hoping that you do not succeed, or that it will take so long for you to accomplish this, he won’t have to worry about this for a while.
* He will say something along the lines of “I love you so much, I can’t afford a ring right now and you deserve the best ring. I need to wait until I save enough money to buy the ring you deserve”. Meanwhile, back at the cave, your batman most likely spends good money on electronic equipment, cars, jet skis, golf clubs, golf trips, etc.
If you end the relationship online and explain the situation, everyone will be able to see why you broke up with him.
Maybe, just maybe, he will read the comments and see the light. If not, at least you won’t be wasting any more time.
2. Meet the Ogler
How to recognize when he can’t stop looking around
This is truly a gem of a man. You know him. He’s the one on your arm whose eyes pop out any time another attractive woman walks by. Now I’m not talking about a casual glance, which is just basic human nature. I’m talking the total up-the-body-down-the-body gaze, followed by a few more casual glances, followed by a quick glance in your direction to see if he’s been busted.
The more intelligent breed of this type of man commonly wears reflective sunglasses so that he can strategically gaze at others without getting caught.
Result: This man, who would rather undress someone with his eyes and perhaps get noticed by another female in order to boost his fragile ego and prove that “he still has it,” is not capable of sparing the feelings of the woman he is with. If your guy can’t be aware of your feelings on something this basic, beware…because it’s only downhill from there. Dump your boyfriend and move on to someone who is capable of showing concern for your feelings.
* You get a nervous and unsettled feeling any time you are out with this guy and there is an attractive girl around. It is not you being paranoid, it is your woman’s intuition kicking in and telling you to be alert.
* You are out with your guy and he finds a reason to be near the other girl or to cast a smile her way. I dated a guy once who all of a sudden took an interest in PURSES and went to browse the rack (no pun intended).
* If the other woman actually gives him the time of day, he will laugh a little too hard and a little too loudly at her jokes.
* You guys will be in a car, at a stoplight, and you will see him glance at the girl in the neighboring car. All of a sudden, he seems ultra cool and casual – he hangs his arm out the window, etc. He’s ogling her.
* He wears reflective sunglasses. If you guys are outside, you may need to witness this trait in conjunction with some of the other traits listed. However, if he wears them indoors, then it’s a pretty good sign that he’s either terribly insecure or an Ogler. If he’s insecure, he will make you miserable, and if he’s indeed an Ogler, he deserves to be called out.
* His posture changes whenever he’s around someone attractive. His posture should always be erect (again, no pun intended) when he’s around you because biologically, men are hardwired to care for and protect women. However, if he’s a slouch around you and only erect around other women, he’s not really into you. Do I really need to keep explaining this?
If you have fallen into a relationship with the permanent Ogler, dump him as soon as possible. If you end the relationship online and explain the situation, everyone will be able to see why you broke up with him.
3. Meet the Dream Chaser
How to recognize when dreams can’t become reality
This is the man who won’t get or keep a regular job because he wants to fulfill his dream of being a professional sports player, movie star, rock star, best video game player in the world, etc. While everyone has dreams and it’s healthy to have goals, do you really want to be saddled with the bills and maybe even the bulk of the child rearing as he chases his current folly?
He may really love you, but he also may be using you as a means to an end. Beware. Support him for a while in the pursuit of his dreams and ambitions, but if it goes on too long – cash out and dump your boyfriend. If you don’t, you may very well end up out of cash yourself.
* He always has a reason why he isn’t looking for a job.
* When offered a job, he always has a reason why he declined the offer.
* He always has a reason why he can’t even work a part-time job while in pursuit of his goals/destiny.
* He may even say that he’s living off of saved-up money that he’s stockpiled for this very reason. (NOTE: If he says he’s doing this, keep an eye on the credit card bills.)
* He may talk grandiose talk about how he will achieve his lofty goals. However, more often than not, these types of guys lack the ambition to actually go after their goals in an aggressive way.
* These types of guys are often very persuasive and make you want to believe in them. They have had a lot of practice doing this because they did it to their parents growing up. Often, you will find that the parents (even though the guy is grown) will still shell out money to the guy, which furthers his inability or desire to get a real job. Why should he? Mommy and Daddy and maybe even you are footing the bill.
* He has childlike tendencies (because he is a big child).
* He may have many failed business ventures. But the next one will be the real deal.
* He may be a perpetual student because it’s his way of avoiding real life and real responsibility.
* He may spend a huge amount of time online “looking for jobs.” (NOTE: He isn’t looking for job that long; he’s either playing a video game, looking at porn, or just wasting time.)
Even though you may care about him and think it’s admirable to have dreams (which it is), responsible people temper the dreams with real-life obligations. Chances are you will always be taking care of this guy. He needs to be called out on things online in a public forum so that he can get a clue.
4. Meet the Wanna-Be Baby Maker
How to recognize when you’re being recruited for the baby factory
This special breed of man is on the prowl. He wants to have his own biological child and will stop at nothing to woo a woman. He may try such tactics such as “oh gee, I’m sorry I knocked you up…I promise I will be there for you and the baby…”
Or he may try more advanced tactical strategies such as convincing you that you are the love of his life or his destiny, and say “lets get married right away so we don’t waste any more time in getting on with the rest of our lives.” Ladies, in this scenario, you always were second and you always will be second. It’s not about you – it’s about the child.
Your birth canal has been used to bear the spawn of the Wanna-Be Baby Maker. The best way to ferret out this type of man is to see how quickly he brings up the topic of children. If he goes on and on about how many kids he wants, ask him if he has younger siblings or if he has any experience with being around young children.
More importantly, ask him WHY he wants kids. If he can’t come up with something other than “it would be great to give something back” or “I have just always liked kids” – RED FLAG. A man who hasn’t spent time around children has no concept of the work that is actually involved in raising them. He most likely has a void in his life and wants to use a child to fill it.
Now if your self-worth is low enough that you were only put on this earth to procreate, then perhaps this is a good match for you. However, if you have any goals of your own – and these goals do not include diapers – then BEWARE because not only will you end up taking on most of the responsibility of the child, you will still be raising the man himself because he’s still a child inside and too immature to see reality.
* He insists relatively soon after meeting you that he wants a large family.
* He can’t come up with a reason why he wants children other than “it would be nice to be part of something larger.”
* He insists that there isn’t an over-population problem in the world. If this is something he says, then run, because he’s also obviously an idiot.
* If he says that he’d encourage a girl to have a child if he accidentally got her pregnant, without saying he’d marry her, he only wants to have a child. If he actually says this, and has a good job with a lot of money, BEWARE because it’s very possible that he will eventually try to get full custody. So while you MAY think that his initial encouragement is supportive and sweet, it may come with strings. If he doesn’t marry you, you get no alimony. You would have been used to bear a child – a child that is coming into the world without a stable family. Men like this are putting their egos first and not thinking ahead. We do not need any more ignorance like this in the world.
* He wants children right away, as soon as you guys are married. This is a bad sign because his main goal should be spending time with you and creating a life with you. It’s all about the child with him.
This guy is a disaster waiting to happen and the children will suffer. You deserve better and so do the children.
5. Meet the Secret Homosexual or Bisexual
How to recognize when he can’t get out of the closet
Ladies, ladies, ladies…I don’t care if you have been married to this man and raised his children. If you find out that he is fantasizing about or physically being with another man (or worse yet, catch him in the act), leave. He has obviously used you to spawn his children and to give him the front that he needed to live his façade of a life until he was ready to come out of the proverbial closet. You have been used.
A slightly better situation would be that he is bisexual and wants to keep his cake (you) and eat it too (other male partners). He may even want to swing and share you with others.
He may say he still loves you, and you may even consider staying with him out of fear of being alone, or for financial reasons, or simply because you love him and you think the relationship will still work (it will NOT). But are you really prepared to meet his new lover?
You will never be able to compete with a man. Cut your losses. Embrace the rights of homosexuals, support equal rights, but do not stay married to this man. If you find yourself in this incredibly difficult situation, it may be best to break up online and end the relationship.
* You find same-sex photos on his computer. (NOTE: He is NOT comparing his size).
* You find that he’s visited same-sex escort sites. (NOTE: He is NOT just seeing what kind of money they make).
* He says he’s interested in seeing you with another man, or swinging. (NOTE: This is his way of taking the first step and being in the vicinity of another man during the party. He may secretly hope that their light sabers cross paths in the dark.)
* He has been with very few women, and he’s almost 40. (NOTE: While this in and of itself is not a big deal, if he’s also an Ogler, or seems very interested in alternative sexual behavior, it may be an indicator.)
* He frequently has bowel movements that splatter.
* He seems almost giddy when his guy friends are around. (NOTE: Quite often, the guy friends have no idea that he is a secret homosexual; however, sometimes they are in on the scam).
* Sex with you stops, and he finds reasons to blame it on you. (Example: You are too fat, too bitchy, etc. FACT – even if you are too bitchy, a straight man will still sleep with you. He may not talk to you, but he will still sleep with you.)
* He takes more time to primp and get ready than you do.
* You guys seem to have a lot in common, you enjoy shopping together, and you like the same music. There is no sexual chemistry between you, but he insists he loves you and wants to stay married. (NOTE: This is because his feminine side is dominant.)
If you have fallen into a relationship with the Secret Homosexual or Bisexual, consider an online breakup. If you end the relationship online and explain the situation, everyone will be able to see why you broke up with him and viewers can comment and give you the support you need to find a man that can truly give you what you want.
He will also have a chance to state his side of the story and, in return, his supporters may help him out of the closet and he may find the kind of relationship that he needs.
However, if you are cool with him being a bisexual and he’s open to sharing the wealth with his partners and you are into that, more power to you!
6. Meet the Circle Talker
How to recognize when he’s making you dizzy on purpose
This gent will talk in circles and leave your head spinning. You won’t even remember why or what you are arguing about. This guy is very skilled and has a silver tongue. He uses this tactic to deflect from what he is actually doing and will very likely end up with YOU apologizing. Men of this nature keep you in a state of constantly apologizing so that you feel sufficiently bad enough to go easy on him for a few days so that he can go off and do whatever he wants. This is borderline mental and verbal abuse.
If this is your man, then dump your boyfriend. He will not change. While it is not uncommon for conversations to spiral into tangents, if you find that virtually all of your arguments and chats end up with you apologizing, get out.
* He repeatedly says “do we have to go through this again?” – when you have only brought the topic up once or twice. The reason you are bringing it up again is because it was never resolved in the first place because he circle-talked you and skillfully manipulated the conversation into an area where you were the one at fault and you had to apologize.
* You address one topic, and then he latches onto one word or key phrase and then tangents off in that direction, and the conversation/argument turns into what the tangent was about. For example: You are talking about him using profanity in front of children. HIS MANEUVER – he latches onto the word profanity and says “you think I swear too much? You always give me a hard time, you swear all the time! Most of the time I only swear because you are yelling at me!” RESULT – you feel bad and apologize. Guess what? The issue was never resolved; therefore, you have to bring it up again later. Be careful though – if you bring it up again, you will be considered an unreasonable nag.
* You question him on his whereabouts and he skillfully evades it. For example: He talks about how he was out with Fred because of Fred’s horrible living conditions at home because his wife is a nag. He then makes a comment about how women are nags. You ask if he thinks you are a nag. He either tangents and focuses on how you are a nag (thus making you apologize) OR he goes on and on so much about Fred and Fred’s horrible living conditions that you become engrossed in the story and forget what the issue really was – which was “where were you?”
If you have fallen into a relationship with the Circle Talker, dump him before you fall down from being so dizzy. This guy is a scammer and is probably out doing whatever he wants. He doesn’t want to be questioned about anything and constantly deflects the conversation.
A technique you can use against this – which drives men like this crazy – is to let them ramble and think they are in the clear. Then say “ok, well that was interesting” or “ok, I see your point about how I am a nag,” but back to the issue – “where were you?” They hate that they haven’t outwitted you or circle-talked you.
You might as well dump your boyfriend first because if you don’t, he will soon tire of the fact that you are on to his ways and obviously smarter than he is. He may end up dumping you first and telling everyone you are a nag!
7. Meet the Baby Maker
How to recognize when he can’t keep it in his pants
This is a man who has multiple children with multiple women. Do you want to be next on his list? This man is often also an Ogler – always looking for his next prey. He typically thrives on women who are less attractive than he is, or on women who may be hearing their biological clock scream.
But seriously, even though he may accommodate your biological clock for children, do you really want to miss out on the next good guy who would be interested in dating you after the relationship with the Baby Maker inevitably ends (probably because you’ve found that he’s impregnated someone else) – “if only you didn’t have kids”?
* He has several kids with several women and doesn’t really see his kids that often.
* He has a crappy job, if any.
* He thinks he is God’s Gift to Women and has that attitude that all women want him.
* He has a God complex and thinks his genes are superior and that it is his mission in life to propagate his genetic influence into the next generation.
* He has little to do with his kids, but expects all kinds of attention from them on his birthday and Father’s Day. He feels that he is entitled to be called a “father” even though he really isn’t a “dad”.
* He has a way of making you feel special, getting money from you, making you think that you are the only baby momma he wants to be with and that the other baby mommas are ho’s. Then you give him money and he disappears for a while, and probably uses that money on his other kids.
* He pays almost no child support for any of his kids.
* He is actually proud that he has so many kids and thinks he has done the world a great service.
* He feels that he is smart, yet he obviously knows nothing about birth control.
* He feels that he is the sole reason that any of his kids have had any accomplishments or successes in school, when in reality he has done almost nothing.
* Women crawl out of the woodwork insisting that he is their baby’s father.
If you have fallen into a relationship with the Baby Maker, either pay for him to have a vasectomy or break up with him. This guy is a burden to society and should be sterilized. There should be no question on how to dump your boyfriend on this one.
Every woman deserves to know what a creep this guy is. This guy is a loser. He’s so much of a loser that he probably won’t even be able to figure out how to reply.
8. Meet the Sex Addict
How to recognize when sex is more important than you are
If your guy constantly watches x-rated videos, visits escort sites (just to look at pictures, of course), masturbates, or repeatedly tries to get you to swing when this does not interest you, then jump ship. He will not remain faithful. Men of this affliction are also commonly Oglers, Baby Makers, and Circle Talkers (they want to keep you in the dark).
Using toys and visual aids can enhance a sex life, but if used too much, it can desensitize a man to normal sex (he mentally requires more and more risky behavior to get off) and it can also lead to the objectification of women. He will eventually cease to look at you as a person.
* He says “I really don’t do it that much.”
* He says “I only read it for the articles to get tips on how to please you.”
* He says “I’m getting ideas on what we can do to enhance our intimacy.”
* He says “I only look at the pictures and videos, but I am always thinking about you.”
* He may sneak home to the computer at lunch, early mornings before you wake up, or late at night after you are asleep.
* You may find that the history and cache of your computer are constantly cleared so that you cannot find what sites he has been visiting on the web.
* You may find that he has secret e-mail accounts and secret screen names to visit sex chat rooms.
* He may suggest that you guys swing or participate in sharing or swapping so that he can get some strange action. In his mind, this is fair because you are also getting some strange action. His first concern will not be your feelings.
* He finds a way to turn every conversation into a dirty joke or sexual innuendo.
* He has a huge stash of this type of pictures and videos, and sometimes is even proud of it.
If you have fallen into a relationship with the Sex Addict, dump that man, because in a way, he has already dumped you. This guy has deep-seated issues, and unless he gets professional help, he will not change. Eventually your sex life will dwindle because he will have objectified women to the extent that he no longer has realistic expectations of normal sex in a meaningful relationship. You may start to feel bad about yourself if you let this relationship continue because you will think you are not living up to normal sex standards or that you don’t look as good as whatever he is looking at.
Most men like this will not seek professional help because the act of self-gratification is too pleasing. They no longer have the capacity to genuinely care about the other person in the relationship and her intimate needs. Besides, do you really want someone who can’t participate normally in bed? You might as well dump your boyfriend if he genuinely wants help but refuses to get it because you are fighting a losing battle.
9. Meet the Cowbird Man
How to recognize when you’re more of a nanny than a girlfriend
The cowbird places its own egg in the nests of other birds and leaves the egg to hatch and be raised by others. The Cowbird Man already has kids of his own. He has strategically gotten out of child support by having 50/50 custody. What he now needs is another female at home to help raise his child.
Ladies, when a man tells you that he travels a lot for work, and that his ex-wife was a looney-tune, and that he is raising a child 50% of the time on his own – run.
Translation: Will you raise my baby so I don’t have to pay child support?
Dump your boyfriend. This relationship isn’t about you, it’s about him and his egg.
* He actually has the audacity to suggest that you take care of his children while he travels internationally. Rather than leave the children with their mother, he is getting out of paying child support because by using you, he is still technically taking care of them.
* When it’s his time to have the kids at his house, he finds reasons for you to babysit so that he can be out of the house.
* He may try to push you quickly into an exclusive living-together relationship right after his split from the last woman/mother of his children. This is because he is quickly trying to set up a “stable home environment” for the child.
* He will woo you at first and make you feel so special, but immediately after you are “caught” he will start shoveling the day-to-day grind of raising his kids off on you.
* He will strategically suggest things like “Can you please help Junior with his homework because you are so much smarter than me?” (NOTE: Check to see if he’s drinking an icy cool beverage and watching sports on TV when he says this.)
* This man will talk about how crazy and unstable his ex wife is. He may even compare you to her and highlight how great you are compared to her. This is a ploy to make you feel good so that you “want” to help him and the poor child who is forced to live with the crazy ex.
* He insists on doing things “with the guys” while you stay at home with Junior or Princess. Why? Because his life is more important than yours.
If you have fallen into a relationship with the Cowbird Man, consider breaking up online. This guy is a complete loser and doesn’t deserve your hard work and time. Every woman deserves to be treated wonderfully, and using someone just to raise a child is despicable. This man is only trying to not pay child support and to have someone care for his child when he is not around.
Guess what? You’ve given a man his freedom and assumed his burden. Dump this guy before you lose your own freedom in the process.
10. Meet the Liar
How to recognize when he is treating you like you’re stupid
Ladies, if a guy lies to you early on in a relationship about ANYTHING, break up with him. If a man lies about something small, he will lie about something big. If he lies to you early on when he’s supposed to be on good behavior and trying to woo you, he will lie to you later on when you are in a relationship because, by then, he already has you.
Get out while you can. These guys lie about anything and everything, no matter how big or how small.
* He lies about past sexual partners (numbers, prostitutes, etc).
* He lies about the lengths of his past relationships.
* He lies about his past jobs and why he is no longer with those employers (according to him, no fault of his own, of course).
* He talks about how all of his exes are crazy.
* He looks right in your eyes when telling you a story. (NOTE: Direct eye contact is usually a sign of honesty; however, if it’s done in overkill, then he is lying.)
* His eyes dart around constantly when talking to you. (NOTE: There is a fine balance and middle ground of eye contact in honesty – it should be direct eye contact with relaxed facial expressions. If it’s direct eye contact but an intense rigid expression or, at the other end of the spectrum, darting eyes everywhere, it’s an indicative of a liar.)
* He always has an immediate excuse and story that are believable. However, if you question him weeks later, he “can’t remember.” (NOTE: He can’t remember because it was a lie.)
* Sometimes his voice is fast and animated, but what he says doesn’t quite jive. You may not pick up on it at first, but a few hours later when it starts to set in, you realize there are inconsistencies. If you bring these inconsistencies to his attention, he either “can’t remember” or he will accuse you of not trusting him.
* There is also a very, very sneaky kind of liar. This kind of liar will calmly listen to you pointing out his inconsistencies or asking him why he can’t remember – and he will smile and speak in a very calm voice showing that he is not mad. He thinks if he doesn’t show anger, you will believe him. He may even laugh about it, like it’s no big deal to him. Then he will follow up with a question such as “oh, the woman at work? No, she’s too chunky for my liking…” and then just nonchalantly change the subject. Be very cautious around this type of man. You may need to do your homework to catch him. This type of man also has a knack for making you think you are overreacting or paranoid. (NOTE: Always follow your gut instinct. Woman’s intuition is real and very powerful. Do not deny it.)
If you have fallen into a relationship with the Liar, don’t wait until you get taken for the ride of your life. This guy has deep-seated issues, and unless he gets professional help, he will not change.
If you do not dump your boyfriend first, he may dump you first and tell everyone that his reasons for breaking up with you are because you are irrational and crazy. He’s a liar, so why wouldn’t he? They are always covering their tracks.
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